Cliché Advice: Why I Stopped Applying it to My Life

We live in a world where advice is everywhere. If you scroll through social media, you'll find therapists, life coaches, influencers, and even strangers telling you how to live, love, and heal. Not to mention, there has been advice passed down from our elders that we cling to, creating a library of "rules" that we're supposed to adhere to.

As I've gotten older, I've learned that life doesn't fit into a pretty box. The catchy phrases and thoughts we repeat online sound great on TikTok or in a quote graphic, but fall short in real-life situations. The truth is that life is full of nuances, contradictions, and messy grey areas that clichéd advice cannot fully capture. And honestly, the more I tried to live by all this advice, the more it did more harm than good.

"Be Positive"

While there is nothing inherently wrong with being positive, there is a point where that's no longer enough. Positive thinking has its place, but sometimes, certain situations don't have a silver lining, and it's okay to acknowledge that without guilt. It is often frustrating when going through a tough time, and the only answer people have for you is "Just be positive." That response can make you feel ashamed for having negative thoughts in the first place.

If someone is very ill, goes through a divorce, loses their dream job, loses a meaningful connection, or finds themselves in a dark place for no specific reason, it is normal to feel pain, anxiety, and sadness. And it is okay to express those negative emotions without forcing positivity along with them, especially if you genuinely do not feel that way in the moment.

Today, people seem to have a lower capacity for sitting with difficult emotions, which may be tied to the isolation of lockdown and the constant scrolling of social media. That lowered capacity can make it harder to tolerate anything that doesn't feel good. On social media, you will see lots of people speaking about how they cut off friends for going through hard times and "always being negative". Processing and dealing with your issues is usually not pretty, and the timeline can vary from person to person.

It's important to remember that sometimes your feelings will be heavy or negative, and that's perfectly okay. When the time is right, you'll find your way out of the darkness, and only you can decide when that moment has come.

"Do Good and Good Will Come to You"

We've all heard the saying that doing good will somehow circle back to us, like a boomerang.  The belief in some karmic force promising that we'll always get our "just due" has left many people afraid of messing up or disappointing others. The reality is that life is hard on all of us, no matter how good a person you are. There's no guaranteed pot of gold at the end of the rainbow waiting to reward every good deed. It's a harsh thought, but sometimes reality is harsh.

This is not to discourage you from doing good at all. It is to encourage you to do good things because it's who you are, not because you believe it will "come back to you. "Think about it: you probably know someone who doesn't always 'do good' but seems to thrive anyway. It's frustrating, especially when you've tried to do everything "right."  But that's the thing, being a good person is a choice you make for yourself, for your own peace of mind. It doesn't determine the twists and turns of your life's path.

Let go of perfectionism and allow yourself to be the beautiful, imperfect person that you are. If you happen to disappoint someone, your future isn't ruined. What's for you will still be for you.

"If Someone Likes You, They Will…"

Human beings are naturally self-focused, and it's easy to fall into the belief that once we connect with someone, their life should revolve around us. Unfortunately, life does not work this way. Everyone you meet has an entire history, full of experiences and traumas, that shaped them long before you arrived. When someone doesn't behave according to your preconceived ideas about relationships, it doesn't automatically mean they don't like you.

Some people are unaware that they have been living in survival mode. Every step they take is just to ensure they survive to take the next one. When you meet someone in that space, their actions, or lack thereof, are not always a reflection of how much they care about you. They're a reflection of where they are in their life at the time. Holding onto rigid expectations of how people "should" act can make us dismiss good connections too quickly, or worse, attach ourselves to people who play the role of fitting those expectations. Everyone is getting by the best way they know how, irrespective of how they see us.

Of course, no one should remain in situations where they're being abused or deeply unhappy. But it's worth remembering this: the only thing someone liking you truly guarantees is that they like you. Everything else, what they can give, how they show up, what they're capable of, is shaped by circumstance.

"Love Yourself"

According to social media, "self-love" seems to be the answer to everything. And while it's important to hold yourself in high regard, self-love alone doesn't solve every problem. If you're longing for romantic love, self-love can't take its place; you can't kiss, hold, or make love to yourself. If you're craving community, self-love won't erase that loneliness. Yes, you can enjoy dinner or take a trip alone, but that won't fully replace the laughter and joy that comes with genuine friendship. The void is still there.

In fact, a lot of people have self-loved themselves into isolation and feel that they are "peaceful" and that it's the solution for every situation. But sometimes that peace only exists because you've removed yourself from situations that might challenge you. When nothing triggers you, your self-love is never truly put to the test. It's easy to claim your self-love sets boundaries when you're not engaging in life outside of work and home. Loving yourself is a skill, and like any skill, it requires practice.

Yes, it's vital to love yourself. But it's just as crucial to remain vulnerable, open, and willing to step into new experiences with others, because if connection is what you're seeking, self-love alone will never be enough.

"Pray About It"

Prayer is a deeply personal experience, and for many, it brings peace and comfort. However, there are times when praying alone is not enough. In fact, suggesting prayer as the only solution can come across as somewhat insensitive. Suppose someone is homeless, struggling to make ends meet, or severely depressed and unable to get out of bed. Do we really think they haven't already prayed? Most of us were taught from childhood to call on God for everything. If prayer hasn't brought relief in that moment, it may be time to offer other forms of support that can produce a more immediate impact.

This isn't to diminish the value of prayer or religious practices. It's simply to acknowledge that prayer isn't always the complete answer. We may need to do more to support that individual or ourselves during times of need. In matters of mental health, that might mean seeking therapy, medication, or other resources to help restore stability. Prayer absolutely has its place, but when additional help is needed, we must show up with more than just words.

Conclusion

The truth is, life isn't lived through bite-sized quotes or recycled advice. While phrases like "be positive," "do good and good will come to you," or "love yourself" may hold kernels of truth, they oversimplify the complexity of the human experience. Real life is layered, messy, and unpredictable. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes love doesn't look like what we expect. Sometimes prayer needs to be paired with action.

What I've learned is that cliché advice often does more harm than good when we cling to it as absolute. It can leave us feeling guilty for having natural emotions, questioning our worth when things don't "boomerang back," or isolating ourselves under the guise of "self-love." My life changed when I stopped trying to live by "rules" that I didn't set for my life. I've learned to allow myself to stumble, to grow, to feel, and not to be so concerned with how it all looks.

At the end of the day, advice should serve as guidance. You get to decide what resonates, what doesn't, and what truly works for your life. Let go of the pressure to package your life's journey into a cliché and allow yourself to exist in whatever form you feel most comfortable. That's where real life happens.