What happens when you run out of motivation? There’s always a lot of talk about finding motivation to do the things we need to do. We need to be motivated to work out, go to work, finish our to-do list, clean the house, or go grocery shopping. We watch motivational videos from Oprah and Tony Robbins, read random quotes online, search for books on the topic, and whatever else we think might jumpstart our engines. And sometimes, it works. However, on those days when motivation is low, we may just decide not to do anything. Those are the moments where you have to default to self-discipline. Motivation starts the engine, but discipline keeps the train rolling.
Back in The Day…
In my mid to late twenties, I was super disciplined. I’m not even sure I was aware of how efficient I was at that time. I was working at a group of television stations, and I loved my job. I would go to work and be an overachiever every day. I was a Business Assistant, which meant I ended up assisting everyone at one time or another. Then I would get off work and go straight to the gym to run three miles and do strength training. On Monday nights, I would follow all of that up with a tennis lesson. And I was right back up the next morning, ready for work.
On Fridays, I would usually go hang out with my girls, but only after I hit the gym. I would work all day, go run, then go out. Sometimes we’d be out until 3 or 4 in the morning. I’d get back up the next day and go right back to the gym, then back out with the girls the next night. I’d run again on Sunday, then play tennis to practice. (Honestly, I just got tired from writing all of this.) The dedication I had to stay in shape, work hard, and prioritize my social life was pretty admirable. Everything seemed to be clicking on all cylinders at the time. Somewhere along the way, though, something changed, and my level of discipline drastically declined. I was no longer tackling life and its tasks the same way.
Life Happens.
Over the years, I endured a lot of hard changes. I ended a friendship and relationship that was very important to me. I went through the changes that were happening in my friends’ lives. We were no longer a trio of single girls with no kids tearing up the town. My two best friends had kids, leaving me as the odd one out (I ain’t mad about that, though, lol!). My mother was experiencing some serious health complications and needed our assistance. Shortly after that, I found out I was going to be laid off after a buyout.
The pandemic came along, which derailed a lot of my life plans. I was laid off during lockdown and had to redirect my entire career and postpone moving out of state as I had planned. My dad’s best friend passed away, and he was like my second dad. One of my good friends passed away a few months after that. And 2022 brought me the greatest loss of my life: losing my mother. All of this happened between 2016 and 2022.
I was no longer that get up and work out every day kind of girl. I would let projects sit for days and do them at the last minute. I would work out for three or four days, then skip the next two weeks. I was constantly in and out of shape. I don’t think I realized that my level of discipline had decreased so much. I think we become complacent sometimes and find the easiest ways to get things done. And while you’re doing that, you’re not really realizing that you’re operating in some form of survival mode. When you are in survival mode, you’re not being your best self at all. You’re coming to the table with the bare minimum, which obviously brings bare minimum results.
How Do You Get Your Self-Discipline Back?
For me, this is an ongoing process. I had to have a staff meeting with myself at the end of 2022 because I felt like I was slacking. I was fluffier than I liked, and I was not producing at the rate I should have been career-wise and with my blog. And when I’m in a space like that, it affects my mental state. I was going through the motions of basically half-assing things, then I would feel bad because I knew I could have been doing better. Here are some of the steps I took to get better:
Find Your “Why” Again: Whenever I embark on a journey toward something, I always identify my “why.” And I’ve learned to make sure that my “why” isn’t something external. It literally has to be for you. When I work out, it’s for me. It’s because I feel better, I look better, my hormonal imbalance stays in check, I’m not scrambling to get in halfway decent shape before events or trips, and I know the value of exercising and eating well in the long run. When I make career goals, I want to accomplish these things for myself. It’s not about parading a job title or money in front of others. When you make your “why” about other people or external validation, it’s much harder to keep the momentum because your feelings about those people or things will vary from time to time.
Create a Plan: Staying on track for me requires a plan. I have to lay out exactly how I intend to do something while leaving some flexibility in the plan. I consider myself somewhat of a visionary. I can always see the goal but sometimes don’t spend as much time understanding the journey it will take to get there. This can lead to giving up or not being as disciplined throughout the process. Have a plan but leave room for changes if they become necessary.
Have Accountability: When chasing goals, you must hold yourself accountable. That will look different for everyone. At first, I tend to gather my goals and only tell the people I know that will help keep me on track. I have some friends that will stay on me about the things that I say I want. If they see me eating too much, they will call me out when I say I want to lose weight. If I say I have a bunch of projects due and they catch me on social media too much, they will say something about it. Eventually, I may talk about it on my social media because it makes your goals a bit more real once you tell the world. Also, writing down your goals helps.
Where I’m at On My Journey Right Now
I’m not writing this as a perfect person. I’m still working through my issues with self-discipline. I’ve mastered working out consistently again by creating a simple plan that I followed until I had my own steam to run off of. I initially only asked myself to do three days a week minimum. Now, I do four to six with no problem. It’s a habit now, but it took a minute to reach that level again. Once I started to see the results, it was game on. With my career, I still struggle to work ahead on projects even when I know I should. I still find myself hurrying to do things at the last minute sometimes. Do I always get it done? Yes. Is it worth the stress? No.
My counselor and I have been talking this out and have been able to tie my procrastination to some of my past experiences, giving me the opportunity to understand myself better and make the necessary changes. So, I suggest you assess your behavior and find the root cause, if there is one. More than likely, you are not just lazy, contrary to what some people may tell you. And I will share with you what my counselor always tells me when I struggle with this, “remember why you wanted this.”